The 10 Best Burns From Triumph the Insult Comic Dog’s Coverage of the Trump Trial
Robert Smigel told me last month that the funniest place for Triumph the Insult Comic Dog to spray mockery isn’t at a celebrity roast. Then he’s just another dog on the dais. It’s way more hilarious when the pugnacious pooch goes off in unexpected settings, like a Star Wars premiere, a prestigious dog show, or among the believers outside of Donald Trump’s hush money trial in lower Manhattan.
With dozens of demented straight men to ridicule and annoy, it’s the perfect spot for Triumph to poop on. Here are ten favorite bits of canine contempt from this week’s proceedings.
“All the diehard Trump supporters are outside the courthouse today. It's a real who's who of ‘who's off their meds.’”
“Trump is said to be very nervous about (the case). He’s terrified that the courtroom sketch artist won’t give him abs.”
“You have to admire the diversity of this crowd. It is a virtual rainbow representing every kind of mental disorder.”
“At the end of the day, who do you think is going to win in the case — the bleach blond with the huge jugs or Stormy Daniels?”
“This man is with Gays for Trump, everyone. My name’s Triumph, I’m with Dogs for Michael Vick.”
“What job are you pretending you didn’t go to to be here today?”
“Of all these crimes that Trump is accused of, which one are you going to ignore the most when you go to the polls?”
“I would say (Trump) is the most obviously innocent man in the whole world now that O.J. is dead.”
(To a man with an unruly beard) “Everybody said it was going to be violent because Trump used the word ‘bloodbath’ but there’s no bloodbath, right? And in your case, there’s no bath at all.”
“God give him the strength? I hope so because seriously, four trials — that means he has to have the strength to threaten the lives of 48 jurors.”