14 Times O.J. Simpson Got No Mercy From ‘SNL’s Norm Macdonald
O.J. Simpson died today of cancer at the age of 76. The Hall of Fame football player who infamously stood trial for murder in the 1990s had an unexpectedly robust comedy career, hosting Saturday Night Live, costarring in the popular Naked Gun movie series and serving as the butt of the late Norm Macdonald’s merciless jokes on Weekend Update. Macdonald famously lost his job at SNL for his refusal to stop attacking Simpson, a weekly jab (or even flurry of punches) that infuriated O.J.’s golfing pal, NBC executive Don Ohlmeyer.
Here are 14 of Macdonald’s most vicious punchlines at the expense of O.J.…
“Well, it is finally official. Murder is legal in the state of California.”
“This week, in the O.J. Simpson civil trial, the focus shifted from the defendant to the alleged character flaws of Nicole Brown Simpson. Attorneys for O.J. hammered away at her lifestyle, citing sexual promiscuity, drug use and the fact that she married a double murderer.”
“This week in the civil trial of O.J. Simpson, the jury, which had earlier found him liable in the deaths of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson, tacked on an additional $25 million in punitive damages. On hearing the news, Simpson declared, quote, ‘This is far from over.’ Asked to clarify that statement, O.J. said, quote, ‘I'm going to kill more people. What do you think I meant?’”
“After a Los Angeles restaurant refused to seat him, O.J. Simpson demanded, and got, $500 in compensation. In addition, the restaurant must now offer separate ‘Murderer’ and ‘Non-Murderer’ sections.”
“The Hertz rental car company announced this week that it will buy 500,020 vehicles, increasing its worldwide fleet by 24 percent. In addition, they will try to find a new spokesman who won’t kill his ex-wife.”
“F. Lee Bailey said this week that if the defense only knew what Ron Goldman’s last words were, they might be able to find the real killer. You know, if you ask me, Goldman’s last words were probably, ‘Hey, you’re O.J. Simpson!’”
“O.J. Simpson’s lawyers say they don’t want the families of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman in the courtroom during the trial. They’re afraid the presence of the family members will just remind O.J. of how much more killing he still has to do.”
“Simpson defense attorney Robert Baker argued that a dark spot in a crime scene photo was a, quote, ‘mystery shoe print,’ suggesting that there were actually two killers. O.J. hopes this will support his theory that he did not act alone.”
“In a brilliant move during closing arguments, Simpson attorney Johnnie Cochran put on the knit cap prosecutors say O.J. wore the night he committed the murders. Although O.J. may have hurt his case when he suddenly blurted out, ‘Hey hey, easy with that. That’s my lucky stabbin’ hat!’”
“It was revealed today that O.J. Simpson told police that Nicole Brown Simpson used to beat him up. He also claimed that she and Ron Goldman killed him.”
“O.J. Simpson was in a different courtroom this week, attempting to regain custody of his two children. In order to prove to the court how much he loves his kids, O.J. pointed out, quote, ‘Hey they’re still alive, aren’t they?’”
“In Brentwood, O.J. himself was spotted manning a lemonade stand with his daughter Sydney. Asked by reporters why sales were so poor, O.J. replied, ‘Beats me.’ And then he went back to cutting lemons with a giant knife.”
“According to retailers, the most popular Halloween mask this year is O.J. Simpson. And the most popular Halloween greeting is, ‘I’ll kill you and that guy who’s bringing over your glasses — or treat.”
“In his book, O.J. Simpson says that he would have taken a bullet or stood in front of a train for Nicole. Man, I’m gonna tell you, that is some bad luck. When the one guy who would have died for you kills you, you don’t get worse luck than that.”