Here’s the Secret, Scene-by-Scene Breakdown of ‘Coyote vs. Acme’

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Patton Oswalt went off on Warner Brothers while hosting Sunday’s Golden Reels Awards. Speaking to a room of behind-the-scenes technicians, Oswalt said, “You guys, as always, did some amazing work. And I’m just talking about the movies that were locked in a vault for a tax break.” While Oswalt could have been referring to shelved WB movies like Batgirl or Scoob! Holiday Haunt, he most likely was lamenting Coyote vs. Acme, the Will Forte live-action/animated comedy that was “deleted” as a tax write-off. 

That means we’ll likely never see Coyote vs. Acme, but thanks to “A Guest,” an anonymous poster on Pastebin, here’s the next best thing — a scene-by-scene breakdown of what happens in the movie. “don't ask where I got this from,” says A Guest, while encouraging readers to “copy and share it while you can. repost it wherever you like.” Who are we to turn down a gift like that? With two caveats — spoilers ahead and there’s no way to authenticate this plot summary — here’s an abridged version of what happens in Coyote vs. Acme.

We open in 1985, where a cartoon Peter Lorre messes with an Acme assembly line and gets tossed down a portable hole.

Cut to present day, where Wile E. Coyote tries — and fails, of course — to catch the Road Runner. After slinking back to his cave, Wile E. sees a TV ad for a local law firm promising compensation and catches the next bus to Albuquerque.

Now we meet Will Forte’s character, attorney Kevin Avery. He’s small potatoes, taking on minor cases and settling out of court for small sums. He lives in a run-down motel. Wile wants Avery to sue the monolithic Acme Corporation for damages. Wile submits hundreds of complaints spanning his many misadventures with Acme products with the help of Paige Avery, Kevin's optimistic niece interning at the firm. 

John Cena plays Buddy Crane, Acme’s top lawyer. Crane meets up with Avery and offers him 50 grand to drop the case. But Wile rips up the check, intent on getting his full damages. Buddy threatens to destroy Avery, who’s eager to settle. He’s much more experienced at settling cases than arguing them in court, but Wile gives him no choice but to see it through.

Cut to the trial. The by-the-book judge has no patience for Wile's cartoon antics. Avery and Wile look like fools demonstrating the faulty nature of Acme's products, and Acme looks like it will easily win the case. Staying at Avery’s motel, Wile builds contraptions for a secret plan of his own. Meanwhile, both law firms try to get the Road Runner to appear as a witness, but can’t make contact.

Cut to Acme HQ where Foghorn Leghorn, head of Acme's Animated Products Department, tells Buddy to wrap up the case before some secret is made public. 

Back at the motel, an Acme whistleblower (voice of Bugs Bunny) calls Avery. The gang is led to an asylum where they meet Daffy Duck. Questions about Acme send Daffy into a mental breakdown, but not before the duck turns over a box and a warning. On the way out, Avery finds that someone has painted "That's All, Folks" on his car before it suddenly gets smashed by a boulder. 

Avery, Wile and Paige escape and inspect the box, which has a cartoon paint can inside. Wile paints a tunnel on the wall, which they enter. Inside the tunnel, there’s a picture of a man pushing a boulder up a hill and a secret message about "Project Sisyphus", but before they can read further, they have to run from an oncoming train. An older, bitter Tweety, spying on behalf of Acme, reports back that they know about Project Sisyphus.

Back at the motel room, Avery figures out Wile's real plan: Get the Road Runner on the witness stand so the coyote can finally catch him. The lawsuit was just a ploy all along. 

Meanwhile, Paige looks into Project Sisyphus and connects it to "Dr. Lorre." Avery and Paige head to an old address where they meet Granny, who used to be married to Dr. Lorre, an Acme developer who went missing in 1985. Granny reveals she's been getting weird voicemails and Avery recognizes the Bugs Bunny voice. Someone photographs them leaving the house. 

Cut to Acme Legal. Foghorn Leghorn tells Buddy that Avery knows too much. Someone throws a bomb through Paige's window, but she survives. The gang analyzes the voicemail and trace the call to the Albuquerque Annual Carrot Festival. There, they meet a shadowy figure who talks like Bugs but who’s actually Dr. Lorre using a voice filter. Lorre explains the background of Project Sisyphus: Acme purposely put dangerous and faulty products on the market to study the effects on cartoon characters. Every one of Wile’s failures was by Acme’s design. Acme captured Lorre and imprisoned him in a portable hole, but he escaped and is now on the run. Before he can tell them anything else, cars arrive and Avery and friends flee the scene.

Cut to the courtroom. Avery asks Acme's head of PR about Project Sisyphus. She panics but before the trial can go on, the judge declares a mistrial, and the case is dismissed. Avery makes an impassioned speech to the press denouncing Acme and Project Sisyphus. The coverage goes viral and Congress starts an inquiry, with Foghorn Leghorn called to testify. 

With no chance of catching the Road Runner, Wile wants to leave. Avery convinces the coyote to come to the Congressional hearing by lying that the Road Runner will testify. Wile discovers the falsehood and the two have a falling out. 

On the streets of DC, Tweety lures Wile into a cartoon trap. Avery tries to help, offering apologies. Tweety reveals that he was abandoned by Dr. Lorre before Acme took him in. Our heroes reveal the truth and while Tweety considers the revelation, Wile and Avery escape and have another falling out. 

Cut to the congressional hearing. A beat-up Avery arrives at the Congressional hearing alone. Congressman Elmer Fudd wants to dismiss the hearings thanks to Wile's absence, but Avery makes another impassioned speech about Wile's tenacity, the coyote who never gave up hunting the Road Runner no matter what. Wile hears the whole speech and rejoins Avery. The session goes to recess and Buddy offers Avery another chance to drop the case — this time with a million-dollar check. Avery rips it up, determined to see it through. 

After the recess, Avery accuses Foghorn Leghorn of the purposeful distribution of faulty products that deliberately injured millions of cartoons. Foghorn Leghorn argues that Acme's progress was for the greater good. And who cares if cartoons got hurt? They’re immortal anyway and it’s funny when they get crushed by anvils. So who cares? 

Enter the surprise witness: The Road Runner testifies about Wile's suffering. He misses the chase and wants Wile to come back. Wile is moved by Road Runner’s show of friendship and opts not to capture him then and there. 

Despite all the speeches, Congress dismisses the case. Avery’s career is over. Buddy and Foghorn rub in their victory, but Wile sets off an elaborate Rube Goldberg machine that traps Foghorn in a birdcage. 

Avery returns to the law firm to find the office full of cartoons who want to sue Acme, inspired by Wile's case. Dr. Lorre tips Avery to the location of video tapes from Project Sisyphus, proof of Acme’s negligence. Dr. Lorre reunites with Granny. 

Flashforward a few months. Avery and Paige are thriving as their law firm takes on all the toon cases. Avery has rediscovered his lawyer mojo. And Wile returns to the desert, enjoying a brief friendly reunion with the Road Runner before the chase begins once again.

Fade out.