Aidy Bryant Roasted the Hell Out of Hollywood Last Night — Here Are Her Best Burns

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First-time awards show host Aidy Bryant got it done at the Spirit Awards last night, scorching not only Hollywood’s brightest stars but the industry itself. Here are some of the blazing burns she got off during the show, starting with the fireballs she hurled at the most famous celebrities in attendance. “Uh-oh, you getting scared?” Bryant asked. “Who’s first? Who’s first?”

The answer was Natalie Portman, the May/December star who wasn’t prepared for the red-hot zinger about to be flung her way. “Hey Natalie, you stupid bitch!” 

Bryant apologized profusely, acknowledging that perhaps her insult wasn’t clever enough. She tried again with Sterling K. Brown. “More like Stupid K. Bitch,” she wryly observed.

Next in the firing line: Charles Melton. “Everyone wants to have sex with you, you stupid bitch.”

How about Greta Lee from the movie Past Lives? “Greta,” she snarled, “you are a slob and a slut and a stupid bitch.” There was nothing for Lee to do but throw up her hands and nod — Bryant had cut her to the core.

At this point in the evening’s festivities, Bryant paused to admit she was terrible at roasting people. But good news for everyone else in the audience: “Just know if you're feeling scared that I only did that to people that I've met or I know or I want to have sex with.”

Bryant decided to brighten her tone in celebration of the evening’s honorees. “With all of the chaos that's going on in the world, there is one thing that I think we can all agree on,” she offered. “Nothing is more important than show biz. It is a healthy business for both the ego and the soul. And under this tent, there are great writers, visionary directors and legendary actors. Or as an anonymous executive might say, ‘worthless little content pigs who should be replaced by computers.’”

Bryant, as it turns out, wasn’t quite done singling out celebrities in the crowd. “I also do want to take a moment to acknowledge one of the biggest stars of award season — Messi the dog from Anatomy of a Fall,” she said. “You know, his dog trainer is also my acting coach. I just make a choice and he says, ‘No! No!’ And then I get a little piece of bacon.”

With that, Bryant set the awards into motion. “We're going to keep this loose like an Alaska Airlines flight,” she promised. “When something goes off the rails, just stay in your seat and drink.”