5 ‘Seinfeld’ Moments That Prove Newman Is the Greatest Heel in Sitcom History
In the history of professional wrestling, no villain has ever uttered a catchphrase as iconic in its diabolical delivery as, “Hello, Jerry.”
Much like the heels of the WWE, Wayne Knight’s legendary foil from Seinfeld bears no full name — he is simply “Newman.” The Mailman. The Controller of Information. The Mystery Wrapped in a Riddle (or in a Twinkie, according to Elaine). Whenever an opportunity arises to disrupt Jerry’s plans and ruin the days of those he dislikes, Newman doesn’t miss. Even in the highly divisive series finale, Newman made sure to have an active part and a front row seat for Jerry’s downfall. He is scheming, ruthless and incorrigibly arch in a way that no other character in the history of the situational comedy could ever achieve.
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Here are the top moments in Seinfeld history that solidify Newman’s ranking as the most dastardly nemesis in all of TV comedy, starting with…
Welching on His Wish to Save Kramer’s Life So He Can Date A Supermodel
“The Betrayal” introduced Seinfeld fans to possibly the only character in the show more despicable than Newman — but certainly not more delightfully devilish. In the counter-chronological classic, Franklin Delano Romanowski curses Kramer with a birthday death wish, causing him to seek protection from Newman who, for his own birthday wish, asks the universe for a date with a supermodel instead of spiritual asylum for one of his closest friends.
Taking Jerry Down For Kramer’s Mail Fraud
“The Package” contained one the best meta jokes in the history of Seinfeld when, while passionately interrogating his hated neighbor on suspicion of mail fraud, Newman emulates Knight’s other character in the bare-all erotic thriller Basic Instinct. Jerry had no part in the crime that had been committed — he didn’t even sign for the package that Kramer smashed — but that didn’t stop Newman from nailing his hated neighbor with a small fine. Ruthless.
Stealing Jerry’s Hair to Ruin His Relationship With His Barber — And His Haircut
The jealous hair stylist Enzo picked the perfect henchman to help him expose Jerry for enlisting his nephew Gino to fix his shoddy work in “The Barber.” Newman succeeds in swiping the necessary hair sample and exposes his nemesis in time for Jerry's secret haircut to be ruined by an uncle-nephew barber brawl that only the classic Edward Scissorhands could end. However, this time, Jerry gets his revenge and takes the buzzer to a squealing Newman right before the credits roll. Every now and then, the face has to win one.
Skipping Out on A Preposterous Number of Parking Tickets
In “The Scofflaw,” Newman takes on his most daunting opponent yet — the NYPD. He nearly allows Kramer to go down for his many crimes (well, violations, technically), but in a rare face-turn, Newman gives up the life of a fugitive and turns himself over to the authorities, who confiscate his offending car. However, despite this rare act of rule-obeying, Newman still manages to ruin someone’s day when the impounded vehicle steals George’s parking spot.
Kidnapping (And Trying to Kill) A Dog
Newman may be Jerry’s archnemesis, but every mailman’s greatest foe will forever be the protective dog that torments and attacks a postman in the line of duty. As such, it’s fitting that Newman would save mortal acts of revenge only for the ruffest of opponents. But it’s still messed up that, in “The Engagement,” he was downright disappointed when Elaine wouldn’t let him murder the little yap dog that was keeping her up at night. Once the cops finally caught up to the devilish dognapper, Newman even quoted his route's old runner and the mail world’s most infamous serial killer and dog-lover, saying with the sociopathy of the Son of Sam, “What took you so long?”