New Catholic Rob Schneider Doesn’t Know If He Can Still Tell Dirty Jokes

Congrats to comedian Rob Schneider, who converted to Catholicism on his 60th birthday this October. The move may be good for Schneider’s eternal soul, but he’s not sure exactly how his new commitment is going to affect his comedy. “I know I can’t do the same stuff I used to do,” Schneider told The Christian Post. But what exactly is going to change? 

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Schneider isn’t judging his earlier work — the guy was in a different place after all. And it’s not like he’s starred in a bunch of dirty movies. Most younger viewers know him as the guy who cheers “You can do it!” in countless Adam Sandler movies. Surely the Catholics are down with that kind of good-natured encouragement.

A guy who has animal powers in The Animal? Seems OK. A fella pretending to be a woman in The Hot Chick? Certain pastors might not endorse. Earning cash as a prostitute in the Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo films? That won’t fly anymore. At least he played a minister in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry — but it’s an Asian stereotype performing a gay marriage. As Kevin James notes, Catholic Mel Gibson wouldn’t approve. 

So something has to change. “I don’t know if I can tell dirty jokes anymore,” he says. “Just some of the bad words, I go, 'Maybe I don’t want to say those words anymore.” You might not think of Schneider as a stand-up who spews a lot of profanity, but sure enough, it’s right there at the top of 2020’s Asian Momma, Mexican Kids special. We’re guessing he won’t be doing much more of this: I’m at the age now… It’s not that I’m less interested in sex, but I’m as interested in cookies. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? “What kind of cookies are those? Could you move your tits? You’re blocking the cookies. Yeah. Cookie underneath that tit.” 

Now Schneider intends to replace the naughty stuff (in the 2020 special, he does bits about constantly “whipping my dick out” as well as accidentally feeling up his mother-in-law). Going forward, the emphasis will be on “what I believe in — God, family, country — I’m okay with whatever comes my way, positive or negative. When you have faith, nothing can really rock you.”

That likely means more projects like Daddy Daughter Trip, Schneider’s 2022 film that he made with his daughter Miranda. “I wanted to make a movie that finally, my wife would let my kids see," Schneider said. “And I wanted to make a movie that makes people feel good and makes you laugh, makes you think and makes you feel like you’re watching a real family.”

The Christian Post calls Daddy Daughter Trip a “heartwarming family movie” but it doesn’t seem to be making much of a dent in the secular world. Despite being out for a year, it only has one review on Rotten Tomatoes — and it’s a pan. “Too often the jokes don’t land. Neither does the physical comedy,” says Arizona Republic critic Bill Goodykoontz (a name Schneider would have to pronounce carefully in his new stand-up). “There is a sweet little story buried deep inside Daddy Daughter Trip and Rob Schneider has no idea how to get at it.”

But the Lord provides and Schneider still has Sandler movies to fall back on. In fact, he has a part in Sandler’s new animated hit, Leo. So long as Sandler characters are up to some hare-brained scheme, there will always be a place for someone shouting: