The Video Games from ‘The Simpsons’ That We Most Want to Play
Ashley Grant may have been wrong about Homer’s intentions toward her “sweet can–,” but she was right about one thing: As a male, I’d do anything to play five minutes of Disemboweler IV.
As one of the greatest satirical shows of all time, The Simpsons has produced scores of fictional pieces of media that are more impactful on the show’s audience than so many of the actual movies, books and video games that we’ve come across in the real world. Personally speaking, I’d rather watch a full version of Hail to the Chimp, Stop the Planet of the Apes, I Want to Get Off! or any other primate-themed Simpsons parody property than the usual slog of post-summer, pre-awards season fare that fills theaters this time of year.
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The video games, however, are on another level — though The Simpsons has contributed many quality real-world games like Simpsons: Hit and Run and the various Simpsons arcade games, the fictional games that Bart and his buddies drool over look even better. The Simpsons subreddit recently discussed which of the many fictional video games in the Simpsons universe are their favorites; here are their picks…
Billy Graham’s Bible Blaster
Christianity and video games typically go together about as well as Christianity and sexual education — the only winning move is not to play. However, Rod and Todd Flanders’ favorite electronic pastime perfectly emulates the 1990s Doom-style first-person shooters with a faithful twist that keeps it rated E for Evangelicals. Though we’ve never technically held the controller that plays Billy Graham’s Bible Blasters, by watching the controversial Season 11 episode “Alone Again, Natura-Diddily,” we’re kind of on Bart’s team, too, so we played it about as much as Rod and Todd. Unfortunately, the only non-digital soul saved that day was Maude’s…
Of all the top-of-the-line game machines in the arcade, there’s only one that doesn’t have long line of eager quarter-carriers behind it — and that’s because everyone knows Martin Prince will be on the My Dinner With André joystick all night. Legendary film critic Roger Ebert once said that André Gregory and Wallace Shawn’s self-written, self-starred comedy drama about a pair of estranged and sophisticated colleagues sharing a meal as well as their thoughts on life, humanism and experimental theatre “a movie that was entirely devoid of clichés,” and there’s no doubt that the game would be equally original. Tell me more…
The ‘Waterworld’ Arcade Game
With a hefty pay-to-play price of $10, the arcade machine adaptation of Kevin Costner’s critically panned 1995 flop Waterworld is as expensive and unnecessary as the film itself — and that’s exactly why we want to play it, after we’ve cleared out every coin machine of its quarters. Waterworld poses so many questions — is every step worth 40 quarters? What are The Mariner’s signature fighting moves? Does the game also have a forgotten cameo from Jack Black? Maybe once we scrounge up our own $175 million we’ll have our answers.
Bonestorm
“Buy me Bonestorm or go to hell!” barked a muscle-bound Santa Clause during a commercial break from Krusty the Clown, inspiring a stream of drool from Bart’s mouth and a criminal act that threatened to destroy Marge’s opinion of her oldest boy. An obvious parody of the Mortal Kombat series that so upset parents throughout the 1990s, Bonestorm has the power to blow kids’ minds simply with its name entry screen — just ask Thrillhouse.
Lee Carvallo’s Putting Challenge
The clerk said that this is the game every boy wants — and he’s right. Bart may have been disappointed with this gift, expecting to get Bonestorm instead, but ever since the Simpsons fandom first laid eyes on Lee Carvallo in the Season Seven episode “Marge Be Not Proud,” we’ve been wondering what would happen if we select “feather touch.” Lee Carvallo’s Putting Challenge is based on the 1988 NES game Lee Trevino’s Fighting Golf, and there have been multiple fan recreations of the game available for free online, but until we find a cartridge like that wrapped up under the Christmas tree, we won’t be satisfied either.
