The 10 Best Charlie Burns from ‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’
In most episodes of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, illiterate janitor and abortion survivor Charlie Kelly is on the receiving end of insults, attacks and general misfortune, but every now and then, Charlie dunks on someone as hard as the universe has dunked on him.
Charlie is not the smartest member of the It's Always Sunny gang. In fact, he might be the dumbest person in all of fictional Philadelphia. His inability to grasp the written word is just one of the many ways Charlie fails to understand the world around him, and as a result, he is stuck with the dirtiest, most disgusting and most debasing tasks required of the proprietors of Paddy's Pub — even though Charlie once swapped his own stake of the bar for a sandwich. Still, Charlie enjoys his Charlie work, along with all the slimes and rats that accompany it, even if the rest of the world looks down on the lowly janitor.
And again, despite his debilities, he is more than capable of dishing out punishment if pushed too far. Along those lines, here are his best burns:
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10) “I don’t see professionals, I see amateurs. I see trash. Little pieces of trash on my stage.” — Charlie to Frank Reynolds’ Little Beauties
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9) “Keep singing, bitch! You’re not gonna have a face by the time I’m through with you!” — Charlie to Dee when she added a song to “The Nightman Cometh”
8) “Dude, if you don’t think you’re already going to hell, you need to take a loooong look at yourself.” — Charlie to Mac when he wanted to become a preacher
7) “That’s not gonna help. That’s not gonna help, and I’ll tell you why: It doesn’t unbang your mom.” — Charlie to Dennis when he wants to kill Mac for banging his mom
6) “Your head of security just choked himself out.” — Charlie to Dennis and Dee after Mac choked himself out
5) “Everyone knows who Superman is, and they know it’s not you!” — Charlie to Dennis when he dyed his hair
4) “He made soup of your insides.” — Charlie to Dennis while they were lying to the police about the Shusher
3) “That story is kind of a downer.” — Charlie to Schmitty when he said his mom has multiple sclerosis
2) “I was using you. That’s why I kissed you in front of the Waitress. That’s why I banged you a bunch of times, just to make the Waitress jealous. Amazing. You slept with me almost instantly. And by the way, a quality woman doesn’t do that. She doesn’t say yes right away. She says no to a man, for years, like 10 years. That’s what a real woman does, Okay? You know what you were acting like? A stupid little rich slut. And that’s all that you are.” — Charlie to Alexandra Daddario after she fell in love with him
1) “Shut up, bird!” — Charle (and everyone else) to Dee, constantly
