‘Ted Lasso’s 10 Dumbest Dad Jokes and Puns
A lot of ingredients go into making Ted Lasso the show that it is — lots of soccer, unrelenting positive attitudes and enough “divorced guy” energy to power a mid-sized space station. Oh, and Apple products. Lots and lots of Apple products.
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Then there are the puns and Ted’s penchant for dad jokes, which seems to have spread throughout his inner circle as if he were patient zero in some kind of uncontrollable epidemic. Here are some of the most groan-worthy examples of Ted Lasso’s Bazooka Joe-esque wordplay that we could find, starting with…
‘The Exorcist’
During practice, Ted decides to do a little 7-on-7 and shouts to the team, “We’re gonna call this drill The Exorcist ’cause it’s all about controlling possession.”
Peanut Butter
Also, during a practice, Ted asks Jamie, “How many times I gotta tell you to make the extra pass? Come on, Sam was more open than the jar of peanut butter on my kitchen counter.” (Not realizing that the players don’t know that he keeps an open jar of peanut butter on his counter at all times so he can “just stick” his finger in there.) Some fans really ran with this joke…
‘Big Buts’
When Rebecca breaks up with Sam, telling him that he’s “kind and loving,” then adds a “but,” he responds with some Sir Mix-a-Lot-based wordplay.
Apple
‘Caesar You Later’
Higgins’ terrible salad-related pun prompted Ted to suddenly burst through the door like Kramer on meth.
‘Piggy Stardust’
One of the show’s worst puns came in costume form, when Beard dressed up as “Piggy Stardust” during a wild night out in Amsterdam, intoning: “Rashers to Rashers, Oink to Oinky.”
‘Doldrums’
Earlier in the same episode, Beard remarks that the players are stuck in “their pineapple percussions.” Amazingly, Ted understands what he’s saying.
Fettuccine Alfredo
In one of the show’s most memorable scenes, Ted plays darts against Rupert Giles Mannion, who initially suggests wagering £10,000. Ted responds: “Well, as my doctor told me when I got addicted to fettuccine Alfredo: ‘That’s a little rich for my blood.’”
‘Ass-Squatch’
Ted recounts the time that Beard told him that his facial hair made him look like he “ate out Bigfoot’s butthole,” Roy reluctantly adds, “Aka Ass-squatch.” Then says to himself: “Make it stop.”
Ted the Movie Fan
Ted tells Rebecca, “I loved Once so much I saw it twice,” thus ruining Christmas.
All Those Damn Milk Jokes
When Ted learns that the team’s owners include the “Milk Sisters,” he goes on full-on pun overload. He says he could “skim” the back room, promises that he’ll be an “udder gentlemen,” and questions if they’ve seen the movie “Bridget Jones’ Dairy.” The capper is the best/worst.
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