Jason Sudeikis’ Anti-Ted Lasso Scumbag Characters, Ranked
From playing the terrible dude in Colossal to playing the terrible dude in Hall Pass, Jason Sudeikis has played some pretty awful people throughout his career. And so, while everyone’s enjoying the good vibes watching him and that mustache portray Ted Lasso in the show’s third season right now, let’s look at all the times Sudeikis embodied a guy so dreadful you wish someone would volley that character into the sun...
Dave in ‘Downsizing’
The premise of Downsizing centers around a scientific breakthrough that shrinks people to the size of ants to combat environmental decay and keep people’s consumption and waste to a minimum. But Sudeikis’ character, Dave, doesn’t care about any of that do-good crap. He argues that downsizing makes people like him richer and encourages his friend Paul (Matt Damon) to shrink himself and supposedly never work again — effectively ruining Paul’s life because there’s no simple fix to, well, the problem of us.
Mason in ‘What Happens in Vegas’
In the movie, where Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz have way more chemistry than the latest Kutcher/Reese Witherspoon rom-com, Sudeikis plays Diaz’ fiance, Mason, who dumps her at the beginning of the film. No real surprise, since the first scene shows us how he’d rather be on his phone with lord knows who than even listen to a word his girlfriend is saying. Of course, when he later (falsely) learns that she’s apparently hung up about him (she’s not) because he’s too good for her (in what world?), it’s enough to convince him to “take her back.” What a catch.
Jake in ‘Sleeping with Other People’
Jake has problems. He’ll sleep with his hookup of three months’ best friend and then try to gaslight her by blaming it on women’s supposed “culturally infused female competition.” Jake wants to have his cake and live inside of it too. He’d be ranked higher on this list if Adam Scott's character wasn’t the biggest douche in this movie. Sleeping with Other People is that rom-com where two severely messed-up people get together in the end so viewers can honestly say, “Yep, they deserve each other.”
Batman in ‘Movie 43’
While Batman is, in many ways, the worst, Sudeikis plays a version of the rich boy in spandex that takes the character to a gross new level. In the Movie 43 segment, “Super Hero Speed Dating,” Batman rudely interrupts every speed date Robin tries to get through and embarrasses him by calling Robin a playground pervert, ratting out Lois to Superman (who then threatens to mess up Robin’s balls), and looking up Supergirl’s skirt while loudly commenting on her fortress of solitude. Of course, that’s not even the worst part because most of the segments in this anthology are complete cringe and not in a fun way.
David in ‘We’re the Millers’
Sudeikis’ character David is part of the 80 percent questionable characters in this movie, so we guess he kind of blends in. He is, however, responsible for roping in two teenagers to help him smuggle a shit-ton of weed across the Mexican border, and he does try to coerce the 18-year-old Kenny (Will Poulter) to suck off a cop as part of a bribe. So yeah, there’s that.
Mike in ‘Masterminds’
The man is willing to kill children. Enough said. Wait, no — he also looks like the sleaziest hitman who could double for a 1970s porn star.
Fred in ’Hall Pass’
Fred gloats about how he thinks he’s secretly figured out the safest way to stare at a woman’s butt without his wife knowing (she totally knows). Fred conspicuously takes “mental photographs” of women’s bodies for his “spank bank.” Fred gets a “hall pass” from his wife and then proceeds to use the worst pickup lines to get women to boink him (never make chloroform jokes, people). Fred will get wasted and then scream at women for not wanting to boink him. Fred is a hopeless case that no amount of mustache could ever even help.
Oscar in ‘Colossal’
Note that this entry contains spoilers, so if you haven’t seen Colossal yet, do. Then you’ll understand that Sudeikis’ character, Oscar, is nothing less than certifiable in this very underappreciated movie. Oscar goes from being a seemingly supportive friend to Gloria (Anne Hathaway), a struggling alcoholic, to being an incredibly manipulative douchebag who doesn't want anyone to succeed in anything if he can’t. Oscar is a miserable piece of human garbage and wants everyone to be miserable, too. Oscar is toxicity personified and will set his own bar on fire to exert his power over others. Oscar wants to control everyone around him like his little puppets, and he will destroy an entire city just because he can.
Oscar, at least, does get volleyed into the sun, so the movie does deliver some sweet retribution.
