12 Hilariously Delicious Martha Stewart Moments
When you think of comedy legends, you’d be forgiven if Martha Stewart doesn’t immediately come to mind. She’s certainly been the target of enough jokes — the go-to punchline for many comedians over the years — but she’s also been able to give it back as good as she’s gotten, too. Her Comedy Central Roast appearances are epic, and it’s rare that the many commercials she appears in aren’t laugh-out-loud funny. And so, with that in mind, we’d like to nomiate 12 Martha Stewart moments that legitimately belong in the Comedy Hall of Fame.
Roasting Cybill Shepherd
From the Comedy Central Roast of Bruce Willis: “I remember years ago when I heard there was going to be a TV movie about me, I thought, ‘Oh God, no…’ Because they’re always so dreadful. I was really nervous. Well, you can imagine my relief when I found out Cybill Shepherd was going to play me. I thought, ‘Cybill Shepherd? Great! No one will see it!’
“Now Cybill, isn’t it interesting that your career basically ended after that role? As if you offended someone… Someone with power… Someone with vast resources and money… Who could cook up such a plan? Who could craft such a scheme? It was me, bitch.”
Her Friendship with Snoop Dogg
Stewart had Snoop Dogg on her show back in 2008. They made mashed potatoes together and have been besties ever since.
Her Non-Snoop Dogg Canine Escapades
The 2002 dark comedy Big Trouble was unceremoniously dumped in theaters seven months after 9/11, its release pushed back due to the fact that sneaking a nuclear bomb aboard an airplane was a key plot point, which, too soon. In one scene, though, Stanley Tucci’s character accidentally comes in contact with psychoactive toad venom and starts to hallucinate that his dog is possessed by Stewart. It’s a truly bonkers cameo:
Her ‘Simpsons’ Guest Star Turn
Lisa: Miss Stewart, I made a star for the tree out of discarded water bottles.
Stewart: Lovely, dear! Except I would have soaked the labels off with warm water, then I would have melted the plastic down in the double boiler and poured it into a candy mold. And finally, I wouldn’t have presented it quite so proudly.
Lisa: I’ll go outside and make snow angels.
Stewart: Lie face down, and your beautiful smile will be molded into the snow!
Roasting Dennis Rodman
Another one from the Willis roast: “If you had told me back in the 1990s that Dennis Rodman would be negotiating a nuclear arms agreement in 2018, I would have said, ‘Dennis Rodman is alive in 2018?!?’”
Her Baffling O.G. Tweets
One of the worst things to ever happen on Twitter (and that’s saying a lot) was when Stewart must have finally hired a social media manager, because back when she was seemingly handling the account herself, it was glorious, performance-art-level absurdity. Like that time in 2013, when she tweeted out just the word “oil,” or in 2014, when she posted a picture of a cow and the letter L.
Roasting Edward Norton
Also from the Willis roast: “Edward Norton takes the craft of acting very seriously. He prepared to play the Incredible Hulk by spending 30 years losing his temper and turning into a giant asshole.”
Her Reddit AMA
On March 6, 2014, Stewart did an AMA on Reddit, and while the trolls came out en masse to ask her some really inappropriate questions, the fact that she answered some of them makes the thread a great read. How else would we have found out that Stewart does not own a dildo? One thing we found particularly hilarious was that despite troubles with insider trading that landed her in prison, her favorite movie that year was The Wolf of Wall Street.
Roasting Ludacris
From the Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber: “I believe the bedroom is the most important room in the house, but I don’t have to tell you that, Ludacris. You have three kids with three different women. May I suggest pulling out sometime, and finishing on some fine, highly absorbent Martha Stewart bed linens?”
Serving Up Jello Shots in Bad Moms
“It’s bespoke lingonberry gelatin, with a shitload of vodka. I start my day with six of these.”
On No Longer Dating Anthony Hopkins
Back in the early 1990s, Stewart dated Sir Anthony Hopkins. She’s on record explaining the reason she broke up with him is because he reminded her too much of Hannibal Lecter. It’s eminently reasonable, but it’s also pretty funny.
Her Commercial Work
Stewart’s not afraid to promote or license many, many, many different products. Just this month, in fact, she starred in an ad providing us with tips on alternative uses for Tito’s Vodka while observing Dry January. Her Bic lighter campaign with Snoop Dogg was fun as well. But perhaps her best commercial appearance of all-time is this recent ad for Liquid Death, in which she sold these “handcrafted” candles just in time for Halloween.
