Calm Down About Chicken Sandwiches, People

Look, folks. I’m not going to sit here and pretend that a delicious piece of fried chicken slipped between two toasty lil’ buns isn’t good as hell. It indubitably is. Fried chicken is one of the great culinary inventions of all time, something so purely delicious and joy-inducing that you’d think the technique was received through some sort of back door deal with Beelzebub himself. Bread, especially toasted bread that serves as a vehicle for butter, is very good as well. So when you make a little edible totem out of those pieces, not a single person will be surprised when the end result is a delectable sandwich.

It’s for that reason we have to stop creaming our collective jeans every time a restaurant that already makes fried chicken and stocks buns launches a “chicken sandwich.” I mean, fried chicken in between bread? Who thinks of this stuff?! Hold on, there’s a PICKLE on it? Where’s my naked 8th grade teacher, because this feels like a DREAM! Today, Google activity is aflame with excitement for Wingstop’s new chicken sandwich? I can’t tell whether the online discussion of this is from actual people or astroturfed, but I think we need to calm down. 

Wingstop, a restaurant most famous for being part of Rick Ross’ long-term investment portfolio, isn’t even good. Every time I’ve ever had wings from Wingstop it’s tasted like they ordered them from Domino’s and then switched the boxes before they brought them out. This leaves me entirely befuddled at the online excitement about their new menu item launch. The only thing that sounds good about a Wingstop chicken sandwich is the bread preventing me from looking directly at whatever whacked-out chicken patty the employees pulled out of Rick Ross’ freezer.

Look, I can somewhat understand the excitement when Popeyes launched a chicken sandwich, even if it feels like you’re just getting an expensive 1-piece. Popeyes is the Keanu Reeves of the fast food industry–they can do no wrong and I will line up for anything they’re involved in. Popeyes could release a vial of poison and I’d consider it, just because it would probably be delicious. But if you expect me to line up at a Wingstop for a chicken sandwich? I’m depressed but not THAT depressed, sir.

Top Image: Pexels/Wingstop