San Francisco's Human Poop Crisis Has Reached New Levels

It's no surprise that San Francisco, the tech billionaire city with such a high cost of living that even their rats have second jobs, has a homelessness problem. But more specifically, it has a problem with how often homeless people poop on the streets. As a response, the city is assembling a dedicated force whose number one priority is number twos.

Since the start of the year, over 14,500 people have called San Francisco's non-emergency number to complain about being knee-deep in feces -- both canine and, depressingly, human. That's an average of 65 calls per day, a worrying amount of conversations about poop issues under any circumstances. To alleviate their citizens' concern of stepping in it, the city is freeing up a million dollars in order to create a Poop Patrol. Starting September, five unlucky city workers will scour the streets with steam cleaners, sanitizing them of sapien soilage.

This is not the only way San Francisco is trying to assure that its crap cup no longer runneth over. They're also constructing a whopping five new public restrooms, though many have already noted that those tend close at night, still leaving people with no place to go to relieve themselves. And while the Poop Patrol will definitely mop up whatever's running down the streets, none of this is tackling the underlying cause of all this: a city where housing has become so expensive that most middle-class San Franciscans live in constant fear they'll no longer be able to afford to rent their Amazon cardboard boxes.

For more of Cedric's shitty opinions, there's always Twitter.

Support your favorite Cracked writers with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out Bad News! Crocs Aren't Going Out Of Business and The Ferris Bueller Car Is For Sale ... But It's A Piece Of Crap.

Follow us on Facebook. You won't regret it.