6 Things We Already Know About the Next Iron Man Movie
When you're dealing with number three of a superhero trilogy, there's always going to be a need to up the ante, even possibly concluding the series (until the reboot, that is). To do that, Hollywood has implemented the carefully crafted technique of "doing the same thing over and over again."
Now that the new Iron Man 3 trailer premiered, it has become painfully clear that we'll see Tony Stark face off against some familiar third-film tropes of past trilogies. Tropes such as ...
The Hero Will Risk Losing His Loved Ones
As seen in: Spider-Man 3, The Dark Knight Rises, X-Men: The Last Stand
Right away the trailer establishes Tony Stark's fear of losing Pepper, hinting that their relationship will be tested to the max in this film. This makes perfect sense; the first film is always the origin, the second is off and running, and the third is the one where we have to inexplicably deal with human emotion all of a sudden.
Assuming Robert Downey Jr. counts as human.
In The Dark Knight Rises, Bruce is forced to suddenly address the fact that Alfred refuses to stay and watch him die despite having no problem with it for two damn films, Spider-Man 3 follows the strain between Mary Jane and Peter, and even the third X-Men movie managed to sneak in a three-way love story between Iceman, Rogue, and that Juno chick. Why? Because they're two movies down and they used all the good villains already -- that's why.
That Loss Will Be Brought on by Revenge/Corruption
As seen in: Spider-Man 3, The Dark Knight Rises, X-Men: The Last Stand
Tony Stark says it himself in the trailer: "No politics here, just good old-fashioned revenge." He has established his heroness and figured out how to use his powers, now all that's left is for him to become a wrathful asshole all of a sudden. After all, a film without internal conflict is like a Yoo-Hoo: novel every once in a while, but terrible in retrospect.
This is why Peter needed the black suit in the last Spider-Man, Bruce needed his injury cane beard weird robe man in The Dark Knight Rises, and Jean Grey needed to Phoenix out like a maniac -- otherwise it's just the same characters being all nice and shit.
"THRILL as Tony Stark drinks mai tais on his deck!"
There Will Be Two Bad Guys: One Tidy and One Dirty With a Funny Voice
As seen in: Spider-Man 3, The Dark Knight
We already know that Guy Pearce is playing the evil scientist guy Dr. Killian, and boy is he smarming that shit up. The hair alone is enough to convict a man of attempted rape, let alone the fact that he has Guy Pearce's face. You couple that with Ben Kingsley's slow rolling enunciations and more than generous hairline and you're looking at an Odd Couple tag team. One is neat, rich, and charming, and the other looks like he was beaten with a hobo stick.
This is apparently how we're coupling third-movie bad guys now. We had clean-cut Eddie Brock with Grunge McDeepvoice Sandman, and, of course, we had socialite secret ninja Talia with squeaky Bane. It's the new dynamic -- fancy brains with funny-voiced brawn. Get used to it.
They Will Hit Their Humbling Low Point Right After Something Explodes
As seen in: The Dark Knight, X-Men: The Last Stand
It's more than clear in the trailer that Stark's house is going bye-bye. Following that, we see him lying tattered on the ground. In the superhero world, explosion = redemption. It's math. If you have been acting like an arrogant or evil asshole for most of the film, all it will take is something big to fire up and you'll snap right out of it.
"My God ... what's been missing in my life is a new mansion."
It happened to Jean Grey after mind-exploding Alcatraz, it sure as shit happened to Batman after Gotham exploded and what was no doubt the worst away football game ever had. You can bet your ass that Stark's house-turned-CGI-firework will serve as some sort of wake-up call.
A War Is Going to Break Out
As seen in: The Dark Knight Rises, X-Men: The Last Stand
In the final moments of the trailer, we see some sort of Iron Man army backing Stark, implying the need for an all-out war. You see, it's not enough anymore that we get two Iron Man suits; we need as many as they can fit on that fucking screen. We need a pack of Iron Mans, and we need that shit to be epic.
Just look at, like, every single trilogy ever. Even the one about a rogue bat-dressed superhero managed to end with every cop in Gotham grappling hand-to-hand with every thug in Gotham ... even though both sides had guns. Instead of just dumping the Golden Gate Bridge on the building with the cure in it, Magneto decided to lead an army of mutants into battle.
Why? Because if a conflict doesn't result in a ground war, then it clearly wasn't important enough to watch three movies for.
You Bet Your Ass Someone Is Going to Self-Sacrifice
As seen in: The Dark Knight Rises, X-Men: The Last Stand, Spider-Man 3
Look, this is totally a shot in the dark, but going by Neo in The Matrix Revolutions, Harry in Spider-Man 3, Bruce in The Dark Knight Rises, Theoden in The Return of the King, Vader in Return of the Jedi, Ripley in Alien 3, Norrington in At World's End, and Jean Grey in X-Men: The Last Stand, we're gonna go ahead and put our money on someone making a heroic sacrifice in this puppy. At the very least, someone is going to have to be resuscitated.
"She had a DNR, Tony. Something about one lifetime with you being more than enough."
