4 IMDb Pages for Upcoming Movies We Already Hate
These days, if a film executive so much as uses the words "Smurf" and "sequel" in the same sentence, IMDb will have information about that very idea posted on their site mere moments later. And that's great, because it gives us an early heads-up as to what movies we should be hating in the near future. Here are a few ...
Untitled International Suspense Thriller
This is going to be the greatest suspense thriller of all time. How do we know? Because this is a story so intensely great that they couldn't even be bothered to come up with a name for it before they went so far as to cast it, write it and convince Eric Bana to star in it. There's nothing else to do at that point but print the posters and try to keep the finished product from hitting the Internet before it hits theaters. But they don't even have a name yet.
And that's surprising, considering they've already got a pretty sweet plot description written ...
"Working Title and John Crowley have not only crafted a nail-biting thriller, but an emotional rollercoaster as well -- one that speaks to the heart of the human condition in our time."
Right. That could pretty much describe any story. On second thought, this probably isn't going to be the greatest suspense thriller of all time. It's probably not a movie at all. We're pretty sure this is just a Ponzi scheme with a profile page.
Most Notable IMDb Page Feature
The part where they clear up that this untitled thriller will indeed be marketed under the "thriller" category. We were unsure until seeing that.
Untitled Freddie Mercury Biopic
Screenwriter Peter Morgan, presumably haphazardly chosen because his resume said The Queen on it, has gone out of his way to say publicly that this is not "an AIDS movie," which is kind of a weird thing to specify unless it's already come up. He went on to say that he is not sure how much the producers will like the draft.
Translation: Someone wants this movie to be mostly about Freddie Mercury's tragic death, marking what must be the first time in recorded history that someone actually said, "You know what would make this better? If it had AIDS."
Most Notable IMDb Page Feature
Easy, tiger! We're sure they'll figure something out before the posters are printed. The most recent working title is reportedly Mercury, which we guess makes sense.
Untitled Cloverfield Sequel
Have you been wondering what exactly is holding up that much anticipated Cloverfield sequel? Director Matt Reeves has your answer, telling Total Film, "We want it to be shot like the first, but how can you continue that idea successfully for a second time? We have a lot of affection for the original and the sequel can't just be the same thing. But that is tricky when you need to have a monster destroying stuff once again."
See? The problem lies in figuring out how to do the exact same thing they did the last time while still convincing us that it's something new. A mighty task indeed.
Most Notable IMDb Page Feature
In case you've ever wondered what a fleeting idea is actually worth.
Untitled Batman Reboot
The film -- recently announced by Warner Bros. president Jeff Robinov -- is planned to lead into a goddamn Justice League movie and is projected for 2015, most likely appearing with a trailer for Avengers 3 and a separate Batman reboot of this movie reboot, followed by the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse appearing in the sky just to point at us for a while and whisper about how we brought about our own demise by needlessly spending our resources on producing and watching the exact same blockbuster films every three years.
Most Notable IMDb Page Feature
The above screenshot comes from Christopher Nolan's IMDb page. That's right, he's signed on to produce a reboot of the franchise he's fresh off of being done directing. Either that, or we're all being Inceptioned or some shit.
