3 Products That Completely Defeat the Purpose of Camping
Camping sucks. If people were meant to sleep on the ground, we wouldn't have invented houses. Fortunately, that fact isn't lost on some makers of camping equipment. The companies on this list understand a fundamental truth that will keep them in business for as long as they want to keep working. That truth, of course, is that the only way to make camping fun is to make it feel like you're sitting in your living room.
Here are three products that completely defeat the "purpose" of camping.
The AC Boot
When a camping accident happens, the ability to maintain a constant five-star-hotel-like climate inside the tent will almost never be the difference between life and death. But still, it's a great option to have when sleeping under a roof like an employed person isn't possible.
Fortunately, the AC Boot can give you that option. Well, seeing as how the "product" mostly amounts to cutting a hole in the side of your tent and sticking an air conditioner (not included) in that hole, a pocketknife and a small table will give you that option also. The good folks at AC Boot will type up some instructions on how to do it, put those instructions in a box, and sell you that box for $199.95, though.
With a nylon cover to protect your idiocy from the elements!
For an extra hundo, they'll even toss in the $25 Walmart table.
Made from 100 percent solid scrap metal.
If you're going to spring for that, you might as well go all-out and buy the tent that has the AC Boot pre-installed and looks nicer than the house you grew up in.
You could hold a lot of memories in one of these things.
And if you spring for that, you aren't actually camping, making the AC Boot the perfect camping option.
Frywell Instastart Portable Deep Fryer
The problem with cooking on a grill or over an open flame, as camping often necessitates, is that it makes jamming delicious fried foods down your pie hole next to impossible. Good thing camping supply legend Coleman recognized this as the bullshit it is and markets this fryer as the perfect antidote to camping's health-conscious tyranny.
Not only can the Frywell deep fry up to a pound of food at a time, but it also runs on propane, because starting a grease fire deep in the forest without having something around that might explode is a mistake only the most novice of campers make.
"Glamping" Tents
When wealthy douchebags want to go camping, they do not simply set up a tent, drink a beer, and avoid recently escaped serial killers like the rest of us. No, instead, they "glamp." That's short for "glamour camping," because saying both words takes up precious time that could be spent making more money to waste on ridiculous shit like this.
That's a $395-per-night "tent" that you can reserve for your next Bigfoot-spotting expedition to Yellowstone.
Still, you've spent more than $395 per night burning strip club singles for kindling on a camping trip before. Is no one making a tent for the truly rich these days? Of course they are: Behold the Creekside Camp at Paws Up Resort.
For a mere $1,500 per night, guests get a luxury "tent," a personal chef, and, we shit you not, a butler. If you're thinking that those amenities sound nice but you don't understand the appeal of this tent as it pertains to sleeping in nature, have a look from a different angle:
Is that a shower in that tent?
It sure is, and it's probably bigger than the apartment you live in right now.
You know what? Maybe we'll give this camping stuff a try sometime after all.
Benjamin is remorselessly plugging his friend's movie. Watch the trailer here!
