28 Baldfaced Lies (Told To Us By Parents)

Dear Mom, your pants are super on fire.
28 Baldfaced Lies (Told To Us By Parents)

We're making memes smarter. So can you. Visit the Photoplasty and Pictofacts Workshop to get started.

By now we've all realized that our parents were completely winging it. Still, though, there were times when they told us things that were clearly bullshit, and we're still not completely sure why.

Things like ...

0 wouldn't stop begging for soda when 0 was a kid, SO my parents told me it was made out of someone else's urine. Coca-Cola
CRACKED.CON My mom told me. that, thie moon. would eat all the stars during the night it so could become thie sun and. shine during.the day:
Before my first elementary school test, my dad told me that the police would arrest children who failed their school tests. Fortunately, he came clean
My parents told me that if I lost a tooth and didn't mess with the hole.. It would grow back gold! CRACKEDCON
My Dad said eating the bread crust helps you whistle. To prove this, he would whistle, while I (at the time) could not. CRACKEDCON
faas MY DAD TOLD ME ABOUT A FRIEND OF HIS IN HIGH SCHOOL WHO DIED WHEN HE JUMPED OFF A CLIFF. HE THOUGHT HE COULD FLY AFTER SMOKING HIS FIRST JOINT. S
My dad told me that a carp would latch on to my belly button and suck my insides out like spaghetti. I was terrified of swimming for years!
When I was young, my mother told me: that rice cries CRACKED COM whenever it falls off the plate or doesn't get eaten.
CRACKED COM I once asked my mother where babies came from and she told me that a big spacecraft lands and then gives them out to loving parents
When the Snakes issue of Zcobooks scared the hell out of me, my mom saw an opportunity: She told me that there were huge snakes in my closet who wou
I was SO reckless rriding my bike when I was 10 that my parents told me that the police arrest every kid they find criding a bike on the road Chug Lif
I have an extreme fear of heights. When I was a kid, I'd freak out when we drove over bridges. My parents would tell me to close my eyes, count to 100
CRACKEDGON MY DAD TOLD ME THAT I WOULD BE BORN AS A COCKROACH IN MY NEXT LIFE IF I DIDN'T OBEY HIS ORDERS
When told my sister that she had been adopted, our mother butted in and corrected me: she said that she had ACTUALLY found my sister crawling out of t
ORACKEDCOM My parents told ME if T wandered around alone outside the housem someone would put me in a sack and take me away. When I pointed out someon
My dad told me that when he was a kid, he was so poor he had to watch TV by candlelight.
NDNGT MY FATHER WOULD TELL ME THERE WAS A BIG NET THAT KEPT THE SHARKS FROM GETTING NEAR THE BEACH SO WE WOULDN'T BE AFRAID TO SWIM IN THE OCEAN.
My mom lied to stop me from becoming a couch potato: Playing outside the creates power to turn on needed the TV. She even read the IRAE 10 electri
CRACKED COM COM When I was in kindergarten, I went to a Memorial Day event that had a 21-gun salute. E asked my mom if they used real bullets, and wit
My mother told me that if I ever saw an adult naked I'd become blind CRACKEDCON
TO GET ME TO EAT ALL MY CARROTS, MY DAD TOLD ME THEY'D MAKE MY EYES SHINE ...ONE AT A TIME. OOPS! YOUR RIGHT EYE IS BRIGHTER NOW! BETTER CHEW UH-OH! O
CRACKED COM MY DAD used TO CALL A cerTAin FAST-FOOD FRANCHISE'S SLIDERS Rat Burgers: HE SAID THAT'S WHY THE PATTIES were SO SMALL. I THINK HE JUST DID
CRACKED cO When I was so scared that I couldn't open my mouth at the dentist, my grandmother told me that if I didn't do it, they would use a crowbar
When O was a kid, my parents warned me not to get too close to the T.V. screen or I'd get sucked into the T.V.... HEP CRACKED COM just like the people
My parents told me that Magic 8-Balls worked because there were demons inside them. VERY DOUBTFUL O I wasn't allowed to have one, or the demons might
MY MOM NEVER LET ME EAT CHERRIES AND DRINK MIILK AT THE SAME TIME, BECAUSE HER MOTHER TOLD HER THE COMBINATION WAS POISONOUS O AND FATAL. R.I.P A RX
GRAOT MY MOTHER USED TO SAY THAT iF I TOLD A LiE, MY TONGUE WOULD TURN BLACK. SHE SAiD ONLY MOMS COULD SEE iT, SO LOOKING IN A MIRROR WOULDN'T HELP ME
MY GRANDMA TAUGHT ME NOT TO SIT ON COLD SURFACES. She told that if I did, my uterus would catch a cold and I would never be able to have children.
Scroll down for the next article

Must Read

VIRAL ON CRACKED

A WEEKLY
NEWSLETTER OF
JOKES + TRIVIA

Forgot Password?