26 Old-Timey Ads for Modern Products

Vintage ads are like embarrassing high school year book photographs for our entire culture, offering glimpses into the dumb asses we used to be. We asked you to show us some of our modern products as they would have been pitched by those dumb asses.
26 Old-Timey Ads for Modern Products

As we've shown before, vintage ads can be like embarrassing high school year book photographs for our entire culture. We asked you to show us some of our modern products as they would have been pitched when the West was going through its awkward phase.

The winner is below, but first, the runners up ...

CRACKED.COM A Telephone For All Time! An Apple Day Keeps the Doctor a Away! EXCITING new product WITH new and improved RUNS on both major from Apple C
CRACKEU.COM Can you hear me now? Now calls are free between any 5 of your favorite infantry divisions. verizon operation Desert Savings. Just anothe
CRACKED.COM The dog.... Algain? beano P EverY good lady knows, there ll beano with Beano! more ercuses...with
Sometimes.... warm milk needs little a help TYLENOL PM vv AVecanr! Caoer CRACKED COM
Oh my! You have the bottom of colored woman! a That's right, ladies. That's what he'll be saying when you start wearing I owe it all to my SKECHERS.
Because soMetimes dinner just isn't leady on time. RAlGASE aybelline New Mineral PowerT TM Natural Perfecting Concealer with Micro-Minerats] MIiecol
Put the Magic back in your wand with Pfizer VIAGRA CRACKED com WIZARD PILL THE 6REATEST FAMILY REMEDY
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When John Lennon and Yoko Ono want to snuggle up for peace, they choose... Snuggie snuggle up in a Snuggie and rid the world of war SN ON CRACKEDOM TV
CRACKED.cOM Hey Susie! Whaddaya say to a locker-room three-way after the game? Bobby and Francis told us they had a terrific time last week! need a
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CRACKED.COM how will darling, ethnic gosh the avod we neighbourhoods -'THAT'S EASY WHENN YOU TAKE A TRIP WITH Jom Jom Whet Mrs Th driving your Cooper
CRACKED.cOM TOYOTA Thinking of buying a GM Japanese car? He hopes that you will. www.generalmotors.com
CRACKED.cOM They're back GWAR has GWAR returned From their home planet to humor BLOODY you once again. The newest record PIt Bloody Pit ofhorror OF
Lose the guy repellent... Glasses-free 3D gaming! NINTENDODS He might still love you in glasses, but why take the chance? NINTENDO 3DS: No Glasses, No
JACK SLAUGHTERED THE HOW WEAKLING DANCE-FLOOR HOG! THE SAY! YOU ALMOST LISTENLI DANCE THE WAY PLEASE NEVEA MIND SEEING ME HOME IE YOU WEREN'T A WE
CRACKED.com as NON ul HO! HO! WORK HI TO OFF IT'S GO! S WE smart LIe MATAofs AATATID CACALE GOENLKENCEDRRTRO TANKS NEED PETROL ELECTRIC
CRACKED COM uide elaiion mtomtre R field, Manager. Ar. THIR'TIETI WEEK 36th OF THE REGULAR DRAMATIC SEASON. FAREWELL and 83d and LAST TIME Nexs NONDA.
CRACKED.COM ShE MAY HAVE NoTHING TO SAY... BUT NOW SHE HAS A PLACE TO SAY I. THERAPEUTIC! Allow her to spend her 10 minutes of daily free time in blis
CRACKED.COM Being a dashing pilot on long haul flights requires concentration, lightning reflexes and spunk! DANELS JACK DIE JACK Thats why J drink Je
CRACKED.COM Like the Colonel say, 'With Canson a Printer, Blacks is black, and whites is white!' Like the Old South, Canson has a tradition of keepin
CRACKED.com IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW ITi AND ALL OF R.E.M.'s GREATEST HITS AVAILABLE ON COMPACT DISK BUYIT TODAYi
CRACKED.coM OUTSIDE OF YOU MICKEY-THAT IS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD! INSIDE OF YOU, MINNIE IS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD! TIGERS ? BLOOD J W 4A( TI
She be CRACKED. com may SIMPLE EMIYPEONUTS TOENROSSEO Rritity A OKIAF CAKA ...but is so ELECTRONIS MATL!
CRACKED.COM APPLE w COMPUP eCOy I'm Mac Me pe a
CRACKED.cOM YOU'LL HAVE AS AS MUCH FUN REAL BIRDS! KILLING Now available ANGRYBIRD3 on Apple Corp's i- i-Telephone!

There are three contests for you to choose from. Click on the prompt that catches your fancy, and post your entry in the thread, or submit to all three and triple your chances of becoming rich and famous. Winner gets 5,000 pennies.

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