7 Workouts For Firming You Up And Creeping Everyone Else Out

When Cracked Readers see me in the street, I get two questions: 1) "How do you keep in such great shape?" and 2) "How do you cope with an increasingly confusing world that grows more alienating every day?" I don't know why everyone seems to think I'm qualified to answer that second question, but I suppose I'd have to guess that it's because I totally am. What's more, I'm happy to share the answers to both of these questions with the world in my latest book, How to Exercise: Workouts for Angry Lunatics. Please find some excerpts below and, if you're a person who publishes books, please give me money to make this one.