The Most Efficient Way to Do ... Everything

Let's face it: We are tragically ineffective people. Don't try to deny it. You're reading Cracked right now instead of doing literally anything else; that's proof enough right there. Luckily the Internet, the primary cause of our efficiency deficiency, might also be the cure: I've found as many quick, easy methods to streamline your life as I could threaten Google into giving me. And so you're sure there's actual merit to all of these practices, I'll also be testing them out first. Hopefully nothing goes horribly awry here, though even money says I somehow end up in prison again.
Day 1:
Most Efficient Way to Sleep

Day 2:




Day 3:
The Most Efficient Way to Drink
Day 4:
Most Efficient Way to MoveWalking is proving impossible, and I assume that's because I've become too efficient to do things any way less than optimally. I have sown the Google, and reaped this: The most efficient way to run is heel-striking.Day 5:
Most Efficient Way to Boil WaterDid you know that a drip brew coffee maker is seven percent more efficient than even a high end electric kettle and I really wanted to put a question mark back there but it's like I can't actually catch up to my fingers so I'm trying to trick them into stopping with an exclamation point!Most Efficient Way to PackRoll everything.ROLL.EVERYTHING.Most Efficient Way to Fold a T-shirt
Day 6:
Most Efficient Way to ThinkThinking is a boulder I can no longer push up this hill. I type now only because somebody (a mad man, perhaps?) told these fingers to start, and now they won't stop. I pray for the brief moments of respite that periods grant me. They are an oasis of relief in a desert of empty, worthless words. I need some help figuring a way out of this mess, and so I turn to mind-maps: Allegedly, a more efficient way to think.

In Conclusion:
What? Dude, I don't know. I've just slept for 65 hours, and I do not know where I am. I suspect it is a Denny's, by the sheer volume of palpable sadness and pancakes. I have no idea what all of this was for; I just wanted to tie my shoes faster. That's all. Just shave a minute or so from my footwear routine. Now I'm looking at like ... like some kind of Bizarro map to Candyland tattooed on my chest? I don't want to make too many assumptions here. The last ... however many days have passed (I think I burnt the part of my brain responsible for comprehending time) is naught but a series of rapid, disturbing still images, devoid of context or morality -- like attending a slideshow where your parents have accidentally mixed up their amateur porn with the vacation photos. But it's this section here in the upper left that's really troubling me.
You can buy Robert's book, Everything is Going to Kill Everybody: The Terrifyingly Real Ways the World Wants You Dead, or follow him on Twitter, Facebook and Google+. Or you could not do any of those things at all, for efficiency's sake.
For more from Brockway, check out 5 Most Terrifyingly Homoerotic Japanese Music Videos and 5 Products That Allow You to Master Your Dreams.