The 5 Most Overused Jokes On the Internet
Comedic conventions that we all take for granted and use over and over again even though they've lost their humor years ago. Like 21st century rubber chickens and chattering teeth.
A burgeoning blogger recently asked me to read something she was about to publish online, and because I was bored I took a few minutes out from my rock star existence of streaming Doctor Who to click the link. By the way, I don't always do that, and it helps if you're an attractive female between the ages of 18 and 25 who first butters me up with porn. (If you're under 18, however, then send that porn to my buddy Michael Swaim, and be sure to include the phrase "Pursuant to your Repeated Request" in the subject line).In any event, even though the link took me to some solid writing, I noticed a few things that could be improved. Comedic conventions that we all take for granted and use over and over again even though they've lost their humor years ago. Like 21st century rubber chickens and chattering teeth. Things you recognize as funny because of their association with comedy, but still seem to hold no inherent humor. There's just no reason for these "jokes" to continue. Much like circus clowns, they must have been funny at one point, but now they just inspire nightmares.
"And I know where each and every one of them is buried!".
Strike Throughs/Cross Outs
It is incredible to me that this comedic convention still persists. It goes a little something like this. You write down the truth that you're hiding or the truth that you actually want to say, but can't, and then cross it out. And just like that, comedy!So, for example, if I wanted to do a strike through version of the opening paragraph, I'd say something like:Last week, when someone asked me to read something they wrote, I was busy
See how much easier this gig used to be?
TMI/Thanks for Sharing
Now to be honest, this is far from merely a blogger offense. The old "Too Much Information/TMI" and its cousin, "thanks for sharing" are used by all sorts of horrible people who should never be allowed to reproduce sexually. But I see bloggers using it too by talking about people's "TMI moments." Even that annoys me. People keep saying it, but when was the last time anyone has laughed at it?I guess what bugs me most of all is the unearned arrogance of the user. As if the speaker is the cock-sure, sophisticate who has the proper breeding to discern that talking about ginormous dumps or masturbation is not typical conversation fodder. Guess what? 9 out of 10 dudes discussing their jacking technique or quantifying their poo fully understand they're defying the typical rules of conversation. I supposed there are strange social outcasts who think others will be enthralled about what they do with their boogers. I guess such a creature might need to be told that this is the kind of information that's not supposed to be shared. But it's still not a funny way to say it and odds are the dude talking about boogers is either deliberately defying social convention or, even more likely, being explicit for comedic effect. And while eating boogers might not be funny, it's still funnier than saying "TMI."I mean, I'd rather read a blog about the various ways a blogger wipes his ass then someone else's blog saying "TMI" about the asswipe guy. And it's not just because TMI is a humorless cliche, but because asswipe guy is putting himself at risk of seeming awkward for the sake of humor. TMI guy, however, is trying to be cool and establish himself as part of society by enforcing TMI rules. What's funny about being a respectable part of society? You're a blogger. Already half-way to pathetic outcast. Just own it.
Pictured above: Owning It
_____. _____. Ever!
What's a good way to express superlatives? Y'know, superlatives. What are superlatives? A superlative is a word that describes something of the highest kind, quality, or order. Y'know something that is the Best. Thing. Ever! Why use italics or bold or, y'know, words, when you can just use too many periods? Waterworld? Worst. Movie. Ever! You Might Be A Zombie And Other Bad News? Best. Book. Ever. Edouard Manet? Best.19th Century French Impressionist Painter Whose Last Name Is One Letter Away From Another French Impressionist. Ever! Well, okay. Maybe I misused it in the last one, but you see what I mean. There's got to be a better way to express something that you apparently think is the greatest thing ever besides saying Greatest. Thing. Ever! It's not even specific. You could call mile high club oral sex and Shakespeare's King Lear, the Best. Thing. Ever.
Although, in fairness, if you met this King Lear in an airplane restroom,that phrase might apply to both.
Interwebz/Series of Tubes
Back in 2006, Alaska Senator Ted Stevens used the term "series of tubes" while explaining the Internet. The poor description was cited as an example of the Senator's unfamiliarity with the Net. Similarly, the term "Interwebz" is a deliberately awkward mixture of Internet and the Web put in the plural form which is also awkard. The point being that more than five years ago these were some phrases conveying ignorance of the Net.
"I didn't think people would keep making fun of me online way past the point of it being funny. Then again, I guess I don't know a lot about the Internet."
"Everyone will still be doing this is 2011. Trust me."
______y Mc________
Maybe a little confusing with those blanks, but this is the device where you insult/describe someone, usually with an adjective ending in "y" and a noun with a "Mc" pre-fix. Some examples might be:
Skanky McNoTalent
Blandy McReaganFace
Deady MacTooSoonJoke
