The 10 Most Bizarrely Interchangeable Celebrities
They say we all have a doppelganger out there somewhere, almost assuredly plotting our downfall. That's why you should always dive tackle and pull at the face of anybody who looks even a little bit like you, just to be safe. That's sound advice, and it applies to the everyman as much as it does to celebrities: Hollywood just isn't big enough for two Bill Paxtons, even if one of them is Bill Pullman. So any day now, expect E! News to report on the impromptu death-match between...
#9 - #10. Mark Wahlberg and Matt Damon
Remember, this isn't just about physical identity. Looking at the pictures, any red-blooded Pats fan could easily spot the differences between these two meat-faced Southies. But there's something in their larger persona that causes your brain to misfire when you try to distinguish one from the other. The world just doesn't need two guys trying and hilariously failing to convince audiences that Bostonians are smarter than you think.
Mark Wahlberg made his fame by rapping and showing his underpants. Despite the extrovert briefs and the ever-present Funky Bunch that still, to this day, follows him everywhere he goes, Mark Wahlberg seems like the more down to earth one. He's also less successful, and generally warrants B-movie roles like The Happening. Matt Damon is the more Hollywood of the two actors: He was, at least briefly, the go-to A-Lister for white guy screen filler. He gets both the high-profile and arthouse roles - he's the guy from Good Will Hunting, after all - and you can apparently ride that cachet for ten years, at least.
So it's quiz time: Who was in the Brothers Grimm, the ill-advised tongue-in-cheek action reboot of a collection of fairy tales? That's straight to video caliber premise, right there. Gotta be Wahlberg.
Nope! Damon. Bah, that was an easy one.
What about I Heart Huckabees, the rambling existentialist lecture-comedy? Art house fluff. That's Damon all the way.
Nah, Marky marked that one; it belongs to him now.
Now here's where it gets tricky: They're both proud former Bostonians. Two Southie white boys, one trying to hold onto his roots, and one still struggling to overcome some criminal connotations. So which one was in The Departed - the Boston mob flick about both of those things? Oscar quality says Damon; but gritty subject matter says Wahlberg.
It's a tossup, but I'm going with Damon.
Wrong answer!
Ah, so it was Wahlberg...
Wrong answer!
#7 - #8. Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg
The world does not need two human avatars for the concept of "getting beat up in high school a lot." Yet we have both Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg awkwardly pawing at the blouse of Hollywood right now. The physical resemblance is pretty strong here, but both have their flagship roles:
Michael Cera was George Michael in Arrested Development.
Jesse Eisenberg was the kid in Zombieland that everybody thought was Michael Cera.
One stars in quirky nerd movies about love, like Juno and Scott Pilgrim, while the other stars in slightly more serious blockbusters, like the aforementioned Zombieland and The Social Network.
So it's quiz time:
One Day Like Rain, a film about a misunderstood teenage girl and a science experiment. That's easy: Girls, misunderstandings and science? Total Cera territory.
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist? Toss-up. It's romantic and quirky, but also a bit more approachable than Cera's traditional fare. Probably Eisenberg? Nope, Cera with the double fake-out.
Squid and the Whale, the Oscar bait drama about families coping with loss (I assume, even though I've never seen it, because they're friggin' all about families coping with loss). The arthouse vibe screams Cera. But no, it was Eisenberg.
Here's where it gets rough: A coming of age story about foul-mouthed young people dealing with the inevitable separation after school while also struggling to accept personal responsibility?
Ah, bullshit. That's cake. Everybody remembers McLovin'! Superbad. Cera. Boom. Out.
Except I was actually talking about Adventureland.
It's okay to be confused: It was by the same people that did Superbad. They probably meant to cast Cera in the pseudo-sequel, but ran into Eisenberg at the supermarket, accidentally gave him the part, and didn't want to make things awkward when he showed up for filming.
#5 - #6. Natalie Portman and Keira Knightley
Natalie Portman was the little girl from The Professional, who still holds a special place in the hearts of pedophiles everywhere. Keira Knightley was the female lead from Pirates of The Caribbean.
They look a bit alike, sure -- insomuch as, below a certain body weight, all pretty white girls look like Legolas. Plus, they both seem like they're smarter than you, and probably wouldn't let you forget it. There's definitely an aura of similarity there, but there are differences: Portman does the arthouse stuff. She's the cultured Harvard chick, while Knightley is the mainstream Renaissance girl. Portman does the smart films, while Knightley does the old timey blockbusters.
Your Highness, the medieval-themed Danny McBride comedy about stoner knights? Goofy, fun, medieval. Totally Knightley territory.
Nope! That film starred Natalie Portman's ass, according to the internet.
King Arthur? That's Knightley. And you're right! Old timey damsel stuff. She's playing right to casting. So which one was in Thor? Kinda dumb, medieval vibe - Knightley? No, Portman again. Haha, what? Did she lose a bet or something?
Which played the lead in that movie about dominos or whatever? Knightley, right?
Wait, no - which one is that? Is it...I'm changing my answer to Portman.
Keira Knightley starred as the titular character in Domino, Portman starred in the entirely different, how-could-you-even-get-them-confused, Domino One.
Well, then who was in London Boulevard, the British gangster flick? British says Portman, even though Portman is actually American and Knightley is actually British...I think...probably. It takes place in modern times, at any rate. I'm going Portman. But it is, of course, Keira Knightley, who stars in the film opposite Colin Farell.
I mean Colin Firth.
Shit, I don't know: One of those foreign white dudes that looks like a douchier version of...
#3 - #4. Gerard Butler and Clive Owen
Gerard Butler was the abs and beard that played King Leonidas in 300. Clive Owen was the eyes and haircut that played the lead in Croupier.
Shouldn't be much confusion here: Butler looks like he eats three Owens for breakfast just to get enough protein to scream apart the furious lions that are constantly attacking him after confusing his animal musk for that of a rival predator. Apart from them both being British, light-skinned and dark-haired, where's the commonality here?
So which one was in Shoot 'Em Up, the brutal action flick so gloriously, magnificently stupid that the main character was actually based on Bugs Bunny? That's Butler territory. When you need a woman shoot-boned in the middle of a firefight/sex-scene, you ring for a Butler.
Nope!
That was Owen (and he was awesome). Don't feel bad, you were probably confusing it with Gamer, starring Gerard Butler, who was literally a video game character, not a cartoon character. Totally different parody violence genre!
But isn't Owen usually the art film type? He was in Children of Men, right? That's the kind of action flick it seems like he would do. Children of Men was a sci-fi thriller, sure, but it was a thinking man's headbuster. Gerard Butler is the guy that busts the head of the thinking man while he's all distracted doing pussy shit like thinking.
So which one was in Machine Gun Preacher? Jesus, that title alone screams Gerard Butler until the blood vessels in its throat explode. But wait, what's that bit about the preacher? Oh, this is a movie about child soldiers in Africa, and a missionary trying to save them? All right, that's totally Owen then.
You know, the guy that played the ancient king with nigh-on supernatural powers.
Oh, sorry: They both did that. Butler was Leonidas. Owen was King Arthur.
#1 - #2. Javier Bardem and Jeffrey Dean Morgan
All right, I'll admit it. I just ran out of ideas here. There's no way anybody is confusing whatever that guy's name is with the man who played John Motherfucking Winchester.
Th...the dad from Supernatural?
Nobody? Dang. All right. Let's do this:
Javier Bardem plays psychopaths with stupid haircuts in movies like Skyfall and No Country for Old Men. Jeffrey Dean Morgan plays stern but loving fathers on paranormal CW masterpieces, and romantic leads in comedies that your mom forces your dad to watch if he wants to get to third base this weekend, like Grey's Anatomy and P.S. I Love You.
All right, easy base line established: Guy that murders hillbillies with a cattle gun; guy that shows menopausal women what it means to love again. Never the twain shall meet.
So which one was in Eat, Pray, Love? You know, the wacky Julia Roberts housewife fantasy that spawned a thousand very unfortunate, entirely misinformed sex vacations to India? Gotta be Morgan.
Holy crap. I haven't seen the film, but I assume he gently screws a silencer onto a pistol after finally making love to Roberts, then puts two through a pillow and into her head.
It's okay if you got that last answer wrong. You're probably just getting it confused with the other three-word, list-titled romantic comedy about a fish out of water traveling outside of her comfort zone: Peace, Love and Misunderstanding. That one stars Morgan.
What about Vicky Cristina Barcelona, yet another three word list of unrelated terms, this time an intellectual dramedy about having a three way at a Spanish villa? Man, that has to be Morgan - that guy is always banging chicks you wish he wouldn't. Scarlett Johansson, Catherine Keener, your mom...
Wrong again! It was Javier Bardem who got to star in an hour and a half long film about having a menage a trois with the Black Widow, the son of a bitch.
Read more from Brockway at his own dinosaur and dirtbike-themed website, The Brock Way. Follow him on Goodreads, Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook.
