Charlie Sheen's Guide to Mental Wellness

Several months ago, I wrote an article stating that, based on the fact that his reckless, dangerous, illegal behavior in no way hindered his career, Charlie Sheen was invincible. This claim was accepted by no one, with the notable exception of Sheen himself, who at this moment is shooting jet skiers from a helicopter somewhere over the Pacific.

Sheen read my obviously idiotic article and was so impressed at what he saw as an incredibly astute observation, that he reached out to me. He wanted me to ghostwrite a Self-Help book for people looking to imitate his lifestyle, or as he put it in the text he sent me, "u need me to let my nuts flap on your brain until a victory book comes out the other side, and how about that? Chaaaarrrrlieeee." I was reluctant at first but, when you get right down to it, Charlie Sheen has a whole lot of money and, well... here we are.

He sent it to print before I had a chance to copy edit, add page numbers or get paid, which is why I feel no guilt in saying buy this book right now!