Wu-Tang Financial Is Finally Happening!

It's entirely possible that Dave Chappelle is an omniscient oracle who predicted our glorious Wu-Tang financial future. It's also likely that Ghostface Killah watched the skit and realized it wasn't a half-bad idea. While I'm always a little leery of cryptocurrencies, my faith in Wu-Tang Bucks is unshakable. The Wu-Tang Clan has a solid grip on economics: they understand supply and demand so well, they released only a single copy of an album and sold it for a cool 2 million. It ended up in the slimy hands of Martin Shkreli unfortunately, but hey, that's the price you pay for the perfect marketing strategy.

Equifax has proven just how criminally incompetent existing financial institutions are. Ghostface Killah, meanwhile, was featured in the song, "Striving for Perfection," demonstrating the high levels of dedication needed in the financial industry. The Wu-Tang song C.R.E.A.M (Cash Rules Everything Around Me) indicates an understanding of the complex philosophical issues with capitalism, which would honestly make them the most self-aware financial institution of all time.

The best part about all this? You can convert Wu-Tang Bucks for "Ether," the currency of the "Ethereum Blockchain." Apparently, Ethereum is some kind of decentralized development platform, and Ether is the currency associated with it, but I'm going to ignore this in favor of my other theory: that it is a Wizards Network and Ether is Wizard Juice. So you can use your Wu-Tang Bucks to acquire this Wizard Juice and become a demigod. Then you can use your wizard powers to go back in time, transmogrify Martin Shkreli into a used tissue, and prevent him from every obtaining the Wu-Tang album and getting his gross Shkreli slime all over it.