The 12 Most God Awful Tribute Albums Ever Recorded
It's not easy to write your own music. So why not do the next best thing, and make a whole album consisting of popular songs from another band? And while you're at it, why not completely change the songs so that absolutely nothing that was good about them remains? And while you're at that, why not just run around the streets throwing your own feces at people?
Welcome to the world of the tribute album, where bad musicians pay homage to their favorite music. By destroying it. For example...
Pickin' On Creed: A Bluegrass Tribute
It's no small task to make Creed's music even more hate worthy, but this is a step in the right direction. When it comes to bluegrass music, there's a fine line between O Brother Where Art Thou and Deliverance. Unfortunately, the tunes on this tribute lean heavily toward the latter. In other words, listening to this tribute album is like having your ear drums raped in the woods by Scott Stapp. Probably.
Best Line From the Album Description:
"The songs are still the same, just stripped of their power and muscle and presented from a different, more organic perspective."
Smooth Sax Tribute to Norah Jones
If you're anything like us, you probably find the adult-oriented pop stylings of Norah Jones a little too aggressive for your delicate sensibilities. Thankfully, this tribute album addresses that issue by turning the excitement down well past zero. The backing tracks are mostly unchanged, but Jones's snore inducing vocals are replaced by the most heart-pounding tenor saxophone playing this side of Kenny G. Just thinking about it is enough to make us want a nap.
Best Line From the Album Description:
We couldn't find an album description. We're assuming whoever was in charge of writing one fell asleep while listening to this shit. They don't call her Norah the Snorer for nothing.
The Beatle Barkers
The fatal mistake most tribute albums make is failing to understand the difference between paying tribute and shitting on a band's good name for profit. If this album was a house inadvertently built on the grave of Ringo Starr, he would poltergeist the shit out of it until it imploded and disappeared into a flash of light (Ringo's dead, right?).
This album answers the unasked question: "What would timeless Beatles tunes sound like with the vocals replaced by barking dogs, wailing cats and motherfucking cows?" and most likely caters to that previously untapped "I hate myself and want all of my friends to abandon me" demographic. Whoever came up with this idea is probably still alive and well, yet John Lennon gets shot in the back. What a crock of horseshit that is.
Best Line From the Album Description:
"Who knew cows had such good taste?"
Harptallica: A Tribute
Do we even need to tell you what kind of savagery is afoot here? Two chicks with harps play Metallica tunes. If that sounds awesome, it's not. Much like the Bible tells of David playing the harp for King Saul to rid him of evil spirits, every ounce of anger and darkness is drained out of these Metallica classics, transforming them into the type of shit you would hear in an elevator. Rock!
Best Line From the Album Description:
"Harptallica is currently seeking a record deal."
The Green Days of Christmas: The Holiday Tribute to Green Day
Ahhh, there's nothing like a well-worn Christmas tradition to get a person in the holiday spirit. This album reminds us of those bygone days of Christmas past spent huddled around the family piano singing along merrily as grandpa pounded out the chords to "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" while Uncle Rick stage-dived off the roof of the house. What a fucking drunk that guy is.
Best Line From the Album Description:
"Worried that Santa's going to bring you a bag of coal? Maybe he'll bring you some dookie instead!"
You know how at least once a year there is one song that is so popular it inspires hipster scum troubadours with ironic facial hair the world over to record a tongue in cheek cover version of it? Like the fifty million versions of "Hey Ya" by Outkast that are floating around the internet, for example. Well, this tribute to R&B star Usher's most beloved tunes about nailing hoodrats is just like that, except repeated multiple times by people you'll never hear of again. It's for people who like the thought-provoking lyrics and complex themes handled in most Usher songs ("Next thing I knew, she was all up on me"), but who absolutely hate the sound of Usher's voice. Good times.
Best Line From the Album Description:
"Indie Translations of Usher takes those sultry love songs and turns them into rock songs that make you wanna dance and pout."
Bop Cubed: The Hip Hop Bebop Junction Plays the Music of Ice Cube
As much as we would like it to be the case, the "bebop" referred to in the title of this tribute album is not the legendary Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles villain (we experienced similar disappointment a few years ago when we picked up No Doubt's Rock Steady). As it turns out, bebop is a form of jazz music that was popularized in the 1940s. That means your grandparents probably love it. You should buy them this album. Otherwise, someday they'll be gone and you'll regret that you never had a chance to bop to "Givin' Up the Nappy Dugout" together.
Best Line From the Album Description:
"Tonight Bebop Performs the music of Ice Cube and they stay true to the game."
The Lounge Tribute to Outkast
Do you enjoy the futuristic, pimped out rhymes of Outkast but would just be more comfortable if they could somehow tone down the futuristic part? And maybe without the rhymes also? If this sounds like you, then you'll love The Lounge Tribute to Outkast. And you're probably 90-years-old. While most lounge tributes venture into parody territory, this one keeps things deadly serious, with terrifying results.
Best Line From the Album Description:
"These all-new, rekast, lounge versions of Outkast's biggest songs are just what the funk doctor ordered!"
Someone was paid to record this album. We were still trying to figure out why Ricky Martin was ever paid to record music, and now these dipshits come along and raise a whole new set of issues. Of all the tribute albums listed, this is the only one we haven't heard any music from. But we've never been the type to let a minor detail like that stop us from passing judgment. Look, the amount of joyousness and merriment in Ricky Martin's music already reaches borderline unhealthy levels on its own. The last thing anyone needs is to have that augmented with a bunch of club beats and electronic bloop-de-woos. That's an actual music term, by the way.
Best Line From the Album Description:
"This album is timely, bold and on fire."
Piano Tribute to Korn
In the late 90s, Korn managed to become one of the biggest bands in the land by using detuned guitars and Cookie Monster vocals to speak to the anguish and fears of 'roided up douchebags far and wide. It should come as no surprise that once stripped of the vocals, guitars, aggression, attitude and faux gang sign waving, the music falls a little flat. Granted, we'd still rather listen to this than an actual Korn album, but that doesn't mean this tribute was a good idea.
Best Line From the Album Description:
"When you get sick of your parents yelling at you, throw this on and when they say how much they like it, don't tell them who it is. It'll be our little secret."
Songs in the Key of Simlish: The Musical Tribute to the Sims
Ugh! How many times has your favorite song popped up on the radio and you found yourself thinking "Man, I really wish they were singing in some kind of indecipherable made up video game language." What's that? You've never had a thought even remotely like that in your life? Neither have we. But apparently there is a market for that kind of chicanery somewhere. That this album exists is all the proof you need. Songs In the Key of Simlish collects some of the biggest pop hits of today and magically translates them into a language that is incapable of being translated. If you're thinking this doesn't make much sense, you're giving the idea too much credit. It actually makes no sense at all whatsoever.
Best Line From the Album Description:
"Your Sims are totally spoiled: they've got cooler houses, clothes, and possibly even better jobs than you. But you know they must get bored listening to the same old songs on the radio over and over."
**Editor's note: cry us a fucking river Sims. **
The String Quartet Tribute to Limp Bizkit
This is the one. This is the album that should really just signal the end of music. Someone with a real background in music had to arrange these songs. A classically trained cellist had to read sheet music titled "N 2 Gether Now." At one point in rehearsals, a real-live conductor probably had to say "Okay, gang, let's take it from 'Now I know y'all be lovin' this shit right here.'" Where does music go from here? Where do any of us go from here? How can anyone go on in life knowing that this album exists? Anyone? Hello?!
Best Line From the Album Description:
"Relentless touring and the occasional call to 'break stuff' has pushed them to the top of the charts, firmly positioning Bizkit as rock royalty."
When not writing for Cracked, Adam pays tribute to himself at ScenicAnemia.com.
For more in musical bad taste, check out The 15 Worst Album Covers of All-Time. And see which artists probably consulted a psychic before penning some of their songs in 6 Musicians Who Predicted Their Own Death in Song.
