The Top 25 Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians
Take a man. Add eye work (unisex glasses if eye wear is needed) and Botox. Mix in a bad haircut or unfashionably long hair -- a dye job, if possible. A little doughiness doesn't hurt, either. Have a weakness for turtlenecks, and by all means, fight aging like it's a battle you can win if you try just a little harder. And there you have it: the winning formula to become a man who looks like an old lesbian.
We asked Keith Mays, author of the blog that started a phenomenon and pioneer in the field of men who look like old lesbians, to run down the 25 best examples of this confounding phenomenon, and he happily obliged, including a handful of newly discovered men who look like old lesbians.
Chuck Klosterman
He Is:
A Pop-culture obsessed and farm-raised hipster who writes for GQ and ESPN.
Looks Like:
Someone who has penned 14 books on the spiritual nature of the vulva.
Al Franken
He Is:
Writer. Possible candidate. Rush Limbaugh tormentor.
Looks Like:
The art director of Lands' End catalog.
Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora
They Are:
Founding members of Bon Jovi.
They Look Like:
They found a career resurgence as Le Tigre.
Robert Redford
He Is:
Actor. Director.
Looks Like:
The head of Women's Studies at the Community College of Denver.
Don Imus
He Is:
The disc jockey and humorist whose comments about the Rutgers University women's basketball team in 2007 led to the name "Imus" being mentioned on a college campus for the first time in 35 years.
Looks Like:
Someone who has lived with the same woman of color she met while working at San Mateo Y in 1962.
Warren Beatty
He Is:
Actor. Director. Former BFF of Carly Simon.
Looks Like:
The famed foe of Bobby Riggs.
Roger Ebert
He Is:
Pulitzer-Prize-winning columnist and film critic. Screenwriter whose films include Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls.
Looks Like:
A late-1950s feminist who currently designs non-gender-specific lingerie and underwear.
Kyle MacLachlan
He Is:
Actor known for his work with David Lynch and Elizabeth Berkley.
Looks Like:
A manager of a website about two pet dogs.
Masi Oka
He is:
Actor. Time Magazine whiz kid. Reported IQ of 180 (same as cast of Carpoolers).
Looks Like:
An author of a paper stating that sex with a man is, by definition, a hate crime.
Mo Rocca
He Is:
We're not really sure what he actually does.
Looks Like:
A time-traveling lesbian from the future.
John Denver
He Was:
Singer. Country boy. Aviator.
Looks Like:
The founder of Colorado's first Lesbian Games, a non-competitive Olympics guaranteeing "participation trophies" for all entrants.
Peter Criss
He Is:
Musician. Drummer in bottom-feeding glam rock group.
Looks Like:
A collector of cat memorabilia.
Lance Burton
He Is:
Creepy Las Vegas magician.
Looks Like:
A K.D. Lang stand-in.
Gary LeVox
He Is:
Lead singer of Rascal Flatts.
Looks Like:
Stage security at the Lilith Fair.
Richard Butler
He Is:
The Molly-Ringwald-serenading lead singer of the Psychedelic Furs.
Looks Like:
The co-founder of an online erotic products store exclusively for lesbians, "Toys for Twats."
Dana Carvey
He Is:
Comic. Actor. Drummer. Impersonator of the President Bush with more successful foreign policy. In 1990s, he partnered with fellow SNL alum and man who looks like an old (or middle-aged) lesbian, Mike Myers, in a series of successful films about life in the suburbs.
Looks Like:
The runner of a rescue service for emotionally abused cats.
Rick James
He Was:
Musician. Famously sampled funk legend. Freak with supposed super abilities. Fan of hair extensions. Troubled individual.
Looks Like:
A person who reportedly married a lesbian comic who goes by the single name "Margaret."
Simon Le Bon and Other Members of Duran Duran
They Are:
Musicians. Video stars. Inventors of the 1980s. Minstrels for Princess Diana.
They Look Like:
Financiers of such lesbian-themed films as The Secret That is My Garden and Rocky V.
Tim Robbins
He Is:
Actor. Writer. Tall person. Compulsive do-gooder in a less-crazy-than-Sean-Penn way.
Looks Like:
Winner of 12 straight division wins as coach of Florida Gators women's volleyball team in the late 1970s and early 80s.
Mike Nichols
He Is:
Writer. Director. Comic. Longtime partner to morning news show anchor Diane Sawyer. Directed Angels in America and Catch-22.
Looks Like:
Director of four episodes of The L Word.
Morten Anderson
He Is:
Football player. Ageless place kicker.
Looks Like:
A guard in a women's prison.
Mike Myers
He Is:
Comic actor. Writer. Scatologically minded, sequel-happy entertainer known for both Scottish and English accents who, in past films, has pointed out shortcomings in the UK's dental hygiene.
Looks Like:
An activist promoting the causes of transgender animated characters and company logos.
Ricky Gervais
He Is:
Comic. Writer. Actor. Creator of the hugely popular The Office and the somewhat less popular Extras.
Looks Like:
Someone who moved to the Aleutian Islands with her social worker partner and is studying to be a priest in the Anglican Church.
Kim Jong-il
He Is:
Leader of North Korea.
Looks Like:
A Lea-DeLaria-impersonating soccer mom.
Bruce Jenner
He Is:
An old lesbian.
Looks Like:
An old lesbian.
In some cases, it has to be just the right photo ...
... In other cases, it is, I admit, a little unfair ... the result of an unfortunate hairstyle or fashion of a certain era ...
... other times, it may be that it's a conscious effort by the person to look androgynous or just plain weird ...
... or it could even be a role the person is playing that I'm unaware of ...
... then there's Bruce Jenner. In photo after photo, pose after pose ...
... with family ... in a role ... giving a speech ... dressed for a night out at My Sister's Room in Atlanta ... he never fails to deliver ...
Bruce Jenner. A man who truly looks like an old lesbian.
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